All shrek taught me was that if you want someone more attractive than you you have to wait till they’re ugly then swoop in
The girl who was my elementary school girl friend just got engaged and I’m sitting here single wearing a pug shirt and hamburger underwear
Just remember, u r someone’s dream girl
I’m a boy
Tumblr has made us forget that some people are actually straight
I LITERALLY JUST SPIT WATER ALL OVER MY SCREEN
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL
One time I was masturbating in the shower and came so hard that I couldn’t keep in my scream but I knew my brother was in the bedroom next door and that he’d hear and know what I was doing so I quickly transitioned into singing the opening of the Lion King.
NEWS FLASH WOMEN MASTURBATE
This is probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life
trivia time folks.
this is one of many Sailor Moon doujinshi created by Kiyohiko Azuma
creator of Azumanga Daioh and Yotsuba&!
also, he’s a man.
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY, CUNTFLAPS! WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID MY YMCA HAD ONE OF THESE FUCKERS. KIDS LITERALLY HAD TO BE TIMED SO THEY DIDN’T TEAR EACHOTHER’S PRE-PUBESCENT DICKS OFF FIGHTING OVER THIS SHIT. FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES YOU WERE QUEEN BITCH AND EVERYONE ELSE WERE PLASTIC CHAIRLESS SCUM MOTHERDICKER, IT GOT SO UGLY THAT SOMEONE GOT BANNED FOR FIGHING OVER IT SO THEY SNUCK IN DURING RECESS AND STABBED IT TO DEATH. THEY MASSACRED AN INFLATABLE SEATING OBJECT BECAUSE THEY COULD NO LONGER SIT IN IT FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES. SHITS FUCKED UP I’M FUCKED UP
People are asking me if I was the one who stabbed it to death
Keep your snoopin heads out of shit you can’t handle
This is from an Australian condom ad that was banned and it’s kind of great.
imagine if prostate cancer research was marketed like breast cancer
women in “i <3 pegging” bracelets
"save the anal!"
i was cuddling this guy once n he had his head on my chest n just whispered “what did you just think about?” and i went “netflix” becus i was thinkin about netflix and he just went
"oh. your heart sped up and i… ok"
Watch this fucking masterpiece. You will not regret it.
Hooked on a Feeling by David Hasselhoff